Made a decision

Not going ahead with Derek's memorial service after all. Can't face it. This week I should have been choosing hymns, readings and prayers for the service and instead done just about all I can to avoid it. Can't put my finger on just one thing and say that's the reason, it's several things - maybe too long a time between his death and now, maybe I think I've done pretty well to get where I am now and am afraid this event will pull me backwards. Whatever it is, now I've made the decision I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.


I've only been able to speak to two of the children about it (the other one is on holiday in Menorca) and they agree that if I don't feel able to do it then I shouldn't. They also said that the last thing Derek would want is for me to get myself in a state over it and this week I feel that's exactly where I've been heading.


That's not to say I don't feel guilty about it - I do. Feel like I'm letting him down. Letting people down in the UK who would have liked the chance to say goodbye. But in the end it's down to me. That's it - decision made. Hope now the bleak mood of the last few days will lift.

Mark and Robyn arrive tomorrow for nine days - YAY!! Early start for me - getting through the motorway section around Alicante at that hour of the morning has been a nightmare the last few trips. Warned Mark to travel light now that the airlines are pretty vicious in sticking to baggage weight rules! He's bought Robyn a new case - a pink wheely thing, can't wait to see that coming down the ramp!


Very breezy day today but better than yesterday when the cloud was thick and didn't lift at all. Hope the breeze dies away and the sun carries on shining for the next ten days at least!

See you!